Ingrained in our human psyche, is the desire to be right.
In the context of a relationship, the desire to be right can simply be destructive and at best has the ability to sabotage our relationships.
Think of a disagreement or argument you and your partner had recently. On reflection, what was your main intention during the disagreement?
If your intention was to “win” the argument because you insisted on being right, or you insisted on being the only person that is right, check in with your mental constructs.
Our deep-seated beliefs influence our interpretations of situations immensely. In Sue Johnson’s book: Hold me tight, she says: “Isolation and the potential loss of loving connection is coded by the human brain into a primal panic response”. This is indeed experienced by most partners during and/ or after disagreements and arguments. The lack of connection in the moment could make us feel we are not wanted, that we are not good enough and we could feel rejected - we could also fear that our relationship is under threat.
If we both have the desire to be right during an argument, the isolation and potential loss of connection seems somewhat unnecessary, considering we could approach arguments differently, don’t you think?
Relationships are beautifully complex, yet it could be so delightfully simple if we pay closer attention, if we don’t take days, months or even years to reconnect and affirm each other.
Extending our understanding and appreciation of our partners could be one of the ways to approach disagreements and arguments differently. More importantly, it could be one of the ways to approach our relationships (not just arguments and disagreements) and each other. Learn to see each other and love each other in a way that makes our partners feel appreciated, wanted, and respected.
There is no silver bullet when it comes to matters of the heart, we are human, we just don't get it right all the time, but there is so much we can do to ensure our partners feel our presence and authentic connection, even during disagreements and arguments. We should get to know our partners in a different way – learn to see our partners in a different light and learn to appreciate them for who they are, rather than trying to force them into someone that looks more like us…
A relationship is not a destination. Perhaps this is a cliché, but it could not be more true! We will never, and we should never "arrive" when we are in a relationship, we should continue to expand, together, individually, have dreams, have goals, have a future to look forward to, continue to discover each other, all the time. It will and should never get to a point where we think we have arrived!
So, today a question for you: would you rather be right than be loved and happy?
Want to know more about how you can get to know your partner in a different way,