Updated: Sep 16, 2020
Towards the end of my Corporate Career, which came to an end in 2018, I lost my heart. It happened gradually from 2016 onward, like the proverbial frog in boiling water. The day I returned my office key, my laptop and for the last time exited through the gate of my Corporate life, with my plants and boxes (just like in the movies) – was a momentous turning point in my life.
Why? Let met tell you my story…
After I finished my studies, I was unemployed for a few months. I eventually found a job and not having a means of transport as yet, I drove on the back of a bakkie with some colleagues to our place of work. Fast forward…. My career path was one of success, hard work, learning, progress, an excellent reputation. I was well known and respected and received accolades including an overseas trip, for my performance.
This changed significantly when the measuring stick for my self-worth became one I could not control. I started to pay attention to what others think of me, what others wanted me to be, how others could not understand me which caused conflict. I was particularly sensitive to how others interpreted my words and behaviour. I felt misunderstood. I felt – worthless. My self-worth was based entirely on external factors of which I had no control.
In the process, life happened. Or should I say death. Our family suffered an unthinkable loss, I started to feel alienated at work and all I could see and hear was that I am not good enough.
My coping mechanism became one of denial, and I hardened my heart against most people in my life – if not everyone, including my family and my partner.
During this agonizing time, I realised that I have allowed my values to be compromised, I have become a puppet to what others wanted, I felt the effects of having sacrificed who I was simply to survive every day, but this in itself was destroying who I was even further.
I am sure many of you have been challenged with situations where you have compromised who you are, where you failed to stand up for what you believe, times when you knew you had to do something or say something but you kept quiet. I am sure many of you have used the same measuring stick. Perhaps it is a husband who cannot see your value. Perhaps it is an employer who does not understand you and what you have to offer. It could be children. Parents. It could be your own thoughts.
Eventually, I believed I was not good enough, I believed I was too weak to rise above the challenges of life and I gave up. I existed.
Until one day when I said NO! No to this life of feeling small, being a victim, living in fear and being lesser. I started to confront myself with the truth. I asked myself whether everything that is happening to me is in fact true, or am I perhaps putting meaning to things that caused my life to be such a challenge.
My distorted thinking and limiting beliefs took me to a place I would never want to be again. While it is true that things happen in our lives, things we cannot control – whatever meaning we attach to those events, to those thoughts, to those feelings – that creates our worlds, that becomes our realities.
I decided the person who wakes up every morning, the person who keeps quiet when she should contribute, the person who hid her talents, her uniqueness and her beauty, the person who became a pawn – that was not the person I was. I was ready to fight for myself, I didn’t want to battle myself anymore.
I am me! No one else. My quirkiness, my patterns of thinking, the way I feel, how I do things – that’s what makes me amazing, not small. That’s what makes me fabulous not ordinary. That’s what makes me imperfectly perfect! I am me! It doesn’t matter what others think – my measuring stick can only be that of which I can control.
I know my strengths, I know my value, I know my purpose, I know what my superpowers are. I have everything within me that I need to share with the world and to contribute and help others who battles through life.
My journey was a long and invaluable one. Now, a protagonist of my own life, I look back at my journey so far and I am thankful! I am thankful for having endured suffering. This enables me to make an impact in lives across the world.
Spend time with yourself, be honest about your thoughts and beliefs – find yourself again. Find your heart. Connect, with yourself.
𝐑𝐢𝐬𝐞! 𝐊𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠!